After the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds headed straight to their hotel to enjoy the first night of their honeymoon.
They popped a bottle of champagne and started getting undressed. When the groom peeled off his socks, his bride stared at his feet in horror.
“Yikes! What happened to your feet?” she asked. “Your toes look bumpy. Why are they so messed up?”
“I had tolio when I was a kid,” he replied calmly.
“Don’t you mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio,” he said. “It only affected my toes.”
That seemed to satisfy her, and they carried on.
A moment later, he slipped off his trousers. Once again, she grimaced.
“Now what’s wrong with your knees?” she demanded. “They’re all knobbly and deformed!”
“I had kneasles as a child too,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked.
“No—kneasles. Same sort of thing, but it only hit my knees.”
The bride sighed, accepted the explanation, and watched as he finally removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said. “Let me guess…. A Case of Smallcox?”
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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:
"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
His mind sees things differently than most of ours do, to our amazement, and amusement.
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... but she left me before we met.
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is directly related to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
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